So this week I will be dedicating my precious time to burst a few bubbles with regards to singledom, marriage and all the “blissful” bonuses couples seem to have!
This is Part 1.
All a starving man thinks about is food.
My dash has been poisoned with posts of how much people want to cuddle, hold hands, stare into each others eyes, have sunset walks on the beach, receive beautiful love poems and ultimately, have hours of steamy sex. (I will be very frank and direct in these posts, deal with it).
As human beings we all have emotional and physical needs. That is just the way that God has made us. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
But BUT BUUUUUUUUUUUUT. We cannot be ruled by our desires. If I had to feed every single need of mine, I would be an incredibly sad person. For all you single people out there. You are currently starving. You sleep alone at night, you don’t get cuddles, kisses, sex…. so ultimately, your body is screaming FEED ME FEED ME. Now to burst your bubble. You all want a girlfriend / boyfriend/ wife / husband, well in the real world, married people don’t cuddle, snuggle, have sunset beach walks, write love poems, or have hours of steamy sex all day long.
We have jobs, we have responsibilities, we have duties, we have appointments, and ultimately, we are not starving. There is this misconception amongst single people that once you are married, that need is going to be met 24/7, but ultimately, its met, and sustained. If your sole purpose for desiring a relationship is, so that your emotional and physical needs are to be met, you are in for one seriously crappy relationship / marriage.
Because relationships / marriage, should never be about your needs. Its about putting someone else before yourself. And that’s where resentment and all those ugly things creep in, when that other person doesn’t give you the attention you believe you deserve. If you want to be with someone because you don’t want to be alone, then you are in for a rude awakening my friend. Your husband or wife will never ever be able to fill that hole. NEVER. They are but human beings, with faults, mistakes, brokenness, and sin. Only God will ever love you completely. Your spouse will only love you to the extent that they are able to love, and that will fall short of your expectations if you are expecting that person to complete you in some way.
I have an incredible husband, but lets be honest, he is not perfect. I thought he was “jesus” when we first met. He was “perfect”. He did all the right things…. blah blah blah. I can remember waking up one morning, having a panic attack, because I was married to him, FOREVER, and he was so incredibly annoying, selfish, distant, consumed, selfish, did I mention selfish and annoying?
I had some expectations of him, that he could never meet, not in his wildest dreams. I set him up for failure, and myself for heart failure. My bubble was burst. I was angry, disillusioned. My husband became my god, I looked to him to meet my needs, and guess what, he fell short.
Its not about settling for anything, have high standards. Gosh I do. But, settle things in your heart way before you look for someone. Make sure that the hole inside, the empty feeling you have, is firstly filled with God, before you try and fill it up with a mere human. When God is your center, your spouse will be the cherry on the cake. Best you check your baking ingredients!!!
Your crazy sista in Christ