Honesty Post: things I don’t talk about

I have a list of thing in my head that I just don’t talk about for whatever reason that might be. A few things I might talk about with some people but there are even some topics that my mum knows not to bring up…I’m not sure if that’s healthy but that’s the way I’ve always been. I’m surprisingly private even though I do talk and share a lot.

Anyway I wanted to share one topic that I don’t talk about a lot because I just feel like it ;p

I’m really worried, and have been for the last few years even, that I have chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia, I think this for a number of reasons including family history and years of crazy symptoms but whatever it is, the symptoms of being crazily tired to the point of tears and my whole body aching causes high levels of anxiety especially in regards to working.

When I got my job a few weeks ago I made it very clearly about the number of days I can work per fortnight and already this fortnight and next I’m going to be working I think 2 days more each fortnight which might not seem much but combined with shift work (so doing overnights and them early shifts starting at 7am) it feels like a heap and I’m already starting to panic about this coming week.

And I feel really bad about it! For goodness sake I’m only 23 years old I should be able to work full time without sooking out and I hate trying to explain it to people. And part of me doesn’t want to be diagnosed because I don’t want to have it on my records in case I can’t get jobs because of it and because I have the worlds worst gp and he will never diagnose me with anything anyway (I know because of past experience grrr)

I don’t know what to do, if work keeps rostering me on too much I need to talk to someone because as it is I feel like calling in sick to my overnight shift tonight because my head hurts (due to my IIH) and my body is killing me.

I love work and I enjoy working And I HATE being stuck at home with nothing to do but I know from past experience that I get so sick so easily and it’s just all bollocks!

Hmm I’m looking forward to starting GAPS at start of next month, I’ll be cutting out all sugar, wheat and dairy and hopefully that will start building my immune back up and help me deal with some of these problems and lose weight cause that will help and I’m also seeing the neurologist on Tuesday about my head thing so maybe I’ll have some more answers from him..

I don’t know please pray, pray for work tonight especially and yeah…

Love you guys